Exit interviews: leave with a smile or spill the beans? Reader J wonders whether she should complain about her rude and dismissive boss when quitting, and I can’t wait to hear what the readers say:

I will be giving my notice to quit my current job within the next couple of weeks, and I’m struggling with how much to say. On the one hand, I don’t want to burn any bridges. I have good relationships with almost everyone I work with, and I want to preserve those relationships.

On the other hand, there is one partner who I work for that is disrespectful, rude and dismissive, and he is the main reason I’m leaving.

Are people generally honest about that type of thing when they quit and do you recommend that I say something? Or do most people stick with a stock line – e.g., I learned a lot here but I got a great new opportunity.

We got into exit interviews a bit when we talked about how to resign gracefully, but I’m curious what the hivemind is on this one: Should you tell employers the reason you’re quitting?

My Advice on How Much to Say In Your Exit Interview

I’m going to stick with my gut here and say you should resign with a smile and keep your lips sealed regarding any bad working situations.

My guess is you’re not going to accomplish anything by sharing them, and you may tarnish your own reputation by saying something. If the hiring office (or whoever administers your exit interview) knows about Person X’s attitude, then you’re not telling them anything new. And if they don’t know about Person X’s attitude, they will most likely chalk it up to a “personality conflict,” and leave it at that.

Realistically, from a senior management perspective, they probably don’t care about Person X’s attitude — as long as Person X can bring in clients/money/do their job well, they don’t really care how they treats their underlings.

Furthermore, by mentioning negatives at your exit interview you may come off as a whiner. I say, leave with a smile, with as much goodwill as you can. You never know what you may want from the firm in the future (good recommendations, connections — perhaps even from Person X).

Readers, what do you think — have you mentioned bad experiences in your exit interviews? How were you received?

Psst… some of our latest discussions on quitting…

• How Often Do You Fantasize About Quitting?
• Exit Interviews: Leave With a Smile
• Disengaging Instead of Quitting (vs. Leaning Out vs. Work-Life Balance)
• Are You Part of the “Great Resignation”?
• How to Write a Resignation Letter

Updated images (handshake) via Stencil. Original image (sunset): Quitting time (lomo variant), originally uploaded to Flickr by greg.turner.)

This post was originally written in 2011, but updated substantially as indicated.

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We got a sweet and simple reader question: Is it okay to bring in homemade cookies for the office when out-of-town boss is coming to town?

Let’s discuss — I’m curious what the readers have to say here.

The old advice here would be NO. Periodt. DO NOT DO DOMESTIC THINGS FOR YOUR COWORKERS LIKE BRINGING COOKIES. At worst, it may make you seem like you’re not “serious” about your career because you would prefer to be at home (“trad wife,” as the kids say); at best it may suggest you’re the “office mom” of the group and therefore a super candidate to do all of the menial, thankless, office housekeeping-type tasks around the office.

This may be changing, though, as new generations of bosses come into power, and as gender stereotypes evolve. So, here are some parameters to think about this:

Can You Bring Homemade Cookies For Your Boss?

Is baking and/or food part of your job? If so, sure.

Are you known for your cookies? Is this something that you’ve talked about with the boss in the past, e.g., have you mentioned how much you love baking in your free time? Have you baked them for office-related events in the past and your coworkers keep going on about your cookies? In that case, maybe bring cookies. (Alternately: Have you joked about Ted Lasso’s biscuits with the boss?)

Is everyone in the office bringing food? My gut here says that this is still going to fall across very gendered lines, even though yes, gender is a social construct. If the men aren’t bringing food, you as a woman should not (and certainly “the women of the office” should absolutely not bring food if the men aren’t).

Are your coworkers mostly male? If so, you may already feel like you’re swimming against the current, and it would be probably a bad idea to call attention to the fact that you’re female.

Would your boss have brought cookies if they were in your shoes? I’ve had the privilege to work with some amazing women bosses, and lots of female-heavy teams, and even then I don’t think I would have brought cookies, because the vast majority of my female bosses, having fought their way through the general casual misogyny of the office, would have followed the previous advice to not do domestic things at the office. If I had done it and brought cookies for them, they’d have rolled their eyes and assumed I was halfway on my way to quitting to be a stay-at-home mom. (At best, I would have gotten a stern lecture about how women cannot do those things in the workplace.)

One of my former bosses might have brought cookies for a superior, but my “yes” there is highly circumstantial: That boss was the editior-in-chief of Family Circle magazine (which ran cookie contests!) and went on to become the president of the James Beard Foundation — so food-related stuff was right up her alley, and related contextually to much of her work.

(This is the same boss who I once remembered as one of the most stylish women I’ve known, professionally!)

Readers, I can’t wait to hear what you say — should this reader bring homemade cookies for her boss? If your answer is that it depends, what factors would be most important to your analysis?

Stock photo via Stencil.

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Here’s a fun question: what to wear to an holiday office party? We have six ideas below, all great whether it’s for your holiday company party, your SO’s office party, or some other holiday networking party.

As a general rule, pick two from the categories below and mix with regular workwear, unless you are 100% sure cocktail attire (or black tie!) is appropriate. A good clue: if the party is on a workday and all employees are invited (not just management types), take our suggestions here. 

As always, I suggest young businesswomen avoid showing cleavage, as well as what I’ll call “unexpected” skin (think cutout dresses, etc). Even bare arms may not be appropriate — know your office!) You should also be wary of anything requiring a special bra.

We’re shared some of our top picks for your holiday office party below…

{related: all our best tips on holiday business etiquette}

{related: here are some fancy but easy updos for the office or beyond}

Festive Blazer

Hunting for festive blazers for 2023? Stay tuned for a bigger roundup, but on the affordable side we like J.Crew Factory and Loft — and this Eliza J one is almost always in stock. On the more expensive side, check Reiss, Paige, and L’Agence.

I’ve always loved a festive blazer. Not only can you maintain a maximum of professionalism, but I often find that a layered look is the best way to dress for the holiday office party: party blazer + statement necklace, or party blazer + bright work dress, for example. You can also use your festive blazer to extend the life of your weekend clothes and wear things that wouldn’t normally be appropriate to wear to work.

For example, a jumpsuit, a heavily sequined top, or even something like a leather skirt or a lace top that requires a strapless bra — all of these things look great beneath a festive blazer.

You’ll be surprised how often you wear it, and how many years you’ll get wear out of it — your own holiday parties, your SO’s holiday parties, vague networking events, even “desk to dinner” events where you really don’t feel like donning a dress or anything sparkly. Personally I’ve always preferred the structure of a blazer, but a sparkly cardigan can also work here.

{related: what to wear to a business cocktail party}

Polished Party Skirts

A party skirt is one of the easiest things to find and wear, but be wary of spending too much money on it — it will be memorable, and because it kind of is your outfit, it’s going to be hard to wear it again year after year.

Keep the hem length appropriate for the office, and note that the fancier (and less office-appropriate) the skirt feels, the more subdued your top and shoes should be. Note that some skirts straddle the line between office and party — they’re less festive, but more versatile (and you can pair them with something else sparkly on top).

Some Recent Picks for Party Skirts To Wear to Your Office Holiday Party

Below are some of our favorite polished party skirts as of Oct. 2022 – we’ve primarily avoided miniskirts because they show a lot of leg, which isn’t appropriate for every office party — but know yourself and your office. (As someone who’s only 5’4″, also, I find that a lot of “mini” skirts are almost knee-length on me.)

{related: the best semi-formal attire for business events}

Selected Sequins, Lace, and Leather

Sequins, lace, and leather aren’t usually office-appropriate — we’ve talked specifically about lace at the office and leather skirts at the office before.

But when deciding what to wear to your office holiday party, you can break some of these rules, provided that you’re not going all out.

Example: a sweater with a few sequins on it, or even a sheer sequined camisole (worn with an opaque black camisole beneath it) are fine, particularly when paired with a festive blazer or fuzzy cardigan.

But the all-sequin legging or all-sequin dress can be… well… a bit much for an office holiday party.

Some of Our Recent Favorite Office-Appropriate Sequins, Lace, Velvet and Leather

Note that regardless of how it’s shown on the model, you should a) not wear a sheer top to an office party, and you probably should not wear a crop top or anything that exposes your belly. Depending on the office environment you may want to keep a cardigan, shawl, or shrug with you if your top exposes a lot of your arms, such as with a halter top.

{related: what not to wear to a black-tie affair for work}

Party Pants

Another great option: party pants. Paired with a regular work staple like a button-front or a cashmere sweater (ooh, or this DvF ballerina sweater), party pants are celebratory and happy, but not too crazy. Look for velvet, jacquard, limited sequins — and tuxedo pants or dramatically wide, flowy trousers can also be great for this kind of event.

For my $.02, I’d avoid any pant that makes people wonder if they’re actually seeing skin (such as black lace underlaid with a beige satin), and in general, be wary of leather and of too-tight leggings.

Recent Picks for Festive-but-Professional Party Pants

Stay tuned for our favorite party pants to wear to holiday office parties in 2023!

Work-acceptable velvet pants can also work here!

{related: how to do black tie on a budget}

Office-Appropriate Party Dresses and Jumpsuits

For my money, this is the hardest one to get right. Sometimes a bright dress or blouse feels festive but will feel like a snoozefest at the party itself. Sometimes a lace dress will feel ladylike and elegant, but other times it may feel like you’ve unwittingly gotten dressed for a wedding when you just have a step up from what you would normally wear to work.

A few notes in general: Watch your hem length, as well as cleavage. I wouldn’t recommend a dress with bare shoulders (i.e., strapless) — layer it with something else like a cardigan or blazer, but if you end up taking that layer off, don’t worry too much.

Sometimes a party dress can be worn to work; sometimes that’s going to be harder.

Recent Picks for Jumpsuits and Party Dresses for Professional Settings

Some of our favorite jumpsuits and party dresses for professional settings include these as of Oct. 2022… depending on the event, you may also want to check out our latest favorite colorful sheath dresses (great for alumni events, or just get darker colors like navy).

{related: where do you draw the line between wedding wear and office-wear?}

Desk to Party: Cocktail Jewelry

It’s true, statement necklaces aren’t as popular as they once were — but I still say there’s nothing better for an office holiday party, and no better way to instantly jazz up a regular work dress or the like. Add one other thing from this list and you’re golden.

More Holiday Party Accessories

As of Nov. 2023, these are some of our latest favorite party shoes — also consider using shoe clips on some of your regular shoes if you’re on a budget! These under $50 ones are best sellers at Amazon…

{related: here’s our roundup of the best foldable flats}

How to Save on Holiday Party Attire for Office Parties

A general note: Rent the Runway is perfect for these kind of purchases, particularly if you have several parties to go to over a few days. (Or, hey, it’s a perfect excuse to set up a date night or girls’ night out if you don’t have several parties.) Other great deals can be found at Nordstrom, Poshmark and more!

(Want $30 off your first Rent the Runway order? Here’s our referral code.)

{related: what to wear to a black-tie dinner for a benefit}

Ladies, what are your favorite things to wear to office holiday parties? Have you seen any fashion gaffes with regard to office holiday party attire (or been victim to any gaffes yourself)? 

Stock photo via Pexels / cottonbro.

N.B. This post was originally written in 2015, but updated substantially in Oct. 2022.

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A few weeks ago I saw an interesting Twitter thread from Business Insider about how, while there’s much being written right now about “the Great Resignation,” there’s actually something more common happening around the globe with workers: disengagement.

They posited that instead of outright quitting, people were disengaging with their work — phoning it in, not taking on as many projects as they could, feigning being busy. (Acting like there’s more to life than career! The nerve!) I thought it was a really interesting topic — particularly when set against what a lot of us probably think about now as “leaning out” (or even just general work-life balance!!) — so let’s discuss.

Have you ever disengaged from work instead of quitting? Have you ever managed someone who disengaged from work instead of quitting? Where are the boundaries between disengaging, leaning out, and having healthy work-life balance — and is there a business etiquette associated with them? (And how does all of this compare to burnout?)

Psst — they’re also calling this “quiet quitting“!

I recognize this from my own work history, to be honest, although I would have called it “treading water” instead of being disengaged. At a certain point in my legal career I decided other matters took priority, and instead of Striving! to! Make! Partner! or even looking for a better job for the long run, I just… treaded water at my BigLaw job. I did the work assigned to me without being overly concerned about my ultimate hours. I still worked late, still did good work (on good cases, for the most part; I was very lucky in my career!) and still got my full bonuses … but it was a far, far cry from the Go-Getter attitude I’d had all during law school and the first year or two of practice. (I would not advise this in the BigLaw of today… I could kind of get away with it way back when because business was booming.)

I remember thinking at the time that this was the natural way of things — a sign of adulthood, even — that instead of trying to “go hard” the way I’d gone in law school, I should recognize that my career has a longer timeline, and that my career shouldn’t be the only thing in my life. (I actually used to have the mantra “My job is not my career is not my life.”) It was me trying to find some semblance of work-life balance, for the first time ever in my life. (I also have some shame in even telling you guys this, even though so many years have passed — like I was doing something wrong by not Striving Super Hard to be the best third year associate to ever third year associate!)

I’m really interested to hear what you guys think about this. For my own $.02, I’d define these slight but important differences:

• Treading water / being mildly disengaged / “prioritizing work-life balance”: Doing the work required of you but nothing more — “keep the job” instead of “advance the career” kind of thinking. I’d hopefully think most pandemic-related work disruption would fall into this category, e.g., as parents manage erratic school schedules / sick family members / disruption of regular care schedules.
• Being burned out: Being unable to engage with work at the level to which you’d like to because you actively need to prioritize self-care, sleep, Life Outside of Work-type things to reconnect with yourself — “Who am I and what am I doing here?” kind of thinking, with job/career being totally secondary.
• Leaning out; Similar to treading water but perhaps with a set end date (baby’s second birthday, for example, or birth of a second child); hopefully done intentionally enough that there’s a conversation with management about flexible work, reduced hours, etc. “Pause/decrease the job in a way that leaves you an on-ramp back to full job/advancing career” kind of thinking.
• Disengaging instead of quitting: Intentionally doing as little work as possible, feigning being busy, and taking every shortcut necessary. Think George Costanza. I would call this kind of thinking “indifference to end of career/job.”

Readers, what are your thoughts? (And are there other categories that you would add in this list — go-getters who are striving to prove themselves at the job? Movers who are intentionally trying to level up their career by seeking a new job or more responsibilities/titles at their current job?) Do you think workers should signal to their managers as they move in and out of these different attitudes toward work, or that business etiquette dictates that conversations be had?

If you’ve managed people in any of these categories, were there red flags for you as a manager — and how did you handle that? For readers who recognize themselves as being disengaged or treading water, how did you reengage or “start swimming” again?

Stock photo via Shutterstock / Dean Robot; “whatever” in font Perfect Redemption.

The post Disengaging Instead of Quitting (vs. Leaning Out vs. Work-Life Balance) appeared first on Corporette.com.

When is it NOT acceptable interview in a gray suit? Reader L, a med student, wonders…

I am in medical school, and will be applying for residency next year. Seeing applicants this year, I notice that it is a sea of black suits (women in pantsuits). I have a gray skirt suit from Banana Republic in 2004 that still fits perfectly and is unembellished. Should I be on the look out for black pantsuit like everyone else, or a grey skirt suit still in the realm of acceptable interview wear?

Wow, I’ve never heard that — let’s discuss!

Can You Wear Gray Suits to Interviews?

I think YES, you can wear gray suits to interviews!

I often feel like I take the fuddy duddy line when it comes to interview advice — wear a skirt suit (at least for traditionally conservative job interviews, which may not include medicine), wear pantyhose, wear walkable shoes — but here I’m going to be a little loosey goosey: wear whatever muted color of suit you like best.

Gray, black, navy — knock yourself out. If you’re feeling crazy, wear a beige suit, or a pinstriped suit. Honestly, I think that as long as you’re dressed in muted colors, interviewers aren’t going to notice your suit, at least in a negative way.

Readers, do you think a gray suit would ever NOT be acceptable for an interview? Have you ever thought less of a job candidate for wearing a conservative suit choice?

(Psst: In the past we’ve shared our roundup of the best suits for women right now, given tips on suiting alterations for women, and offered advice on dry cleaning women’s suits. Also check out our post on C-suite style for women if you’re interested in power dressing, or

{related: budget-friendly interview suits}

Some Of Our Latest Favorite Interview Suits

If you’re on the hunt for basic suiting, note that we did major updates to our roundups of interview suits for women, including doing roundups for eco-friendly suits for women, interview suits if you’re pregnant, and plus size suits. We also pondered whether you should button a double-breasted blazer, and which Ann Taylor suiting line is the best. We also did a major update of our guide to stylish tops under suits!

I’m guessing a med student would prefer a budget-friendly suit, but do check out our latest guide to the Best Suits for Women — we have the best suits at every price point!

Pictured above, some of our favorite brands for affordable women’s suits as of 2023: one* / two* / three/ four* / five (also, and* sometimes here* and here) (* = some plus sizes also)

Some Of Our Latest Favorite Gray Suits

These charcoal gray suits have been around for a while and are a great bet for where they’ll be in stock as of 2023…

A Closer Look at Our Latest Favorite Gray Suits for Interviews

Ann Taylor

We’ve got a whole post taking a deep dive into which Ann Taylor suiting line is best — the bottom line is that while many of their suits are machine washable, the seasonless suits are best for interviews, whether it’s the bi-stretch suiting (pictured) or the

You can usually find numerous blazers (collarless! 2 button! 1 button!), numerous cuts of pants (curvy, regular, ankle, trousers), and often numerous cuts of skirts and dresses to match.

This suit was originally written in 2014, but substantially updated in 2023 and beyond as indicated.

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On the off chance anyone’s company is still having their black-tie affair this year, we thought we’d give some advice on what to wear, and what not to wear. (Although the best advice we can give you is: ask a colleague who’s already been to the party at least once, or look for pictures from previous years.)

1. First of all, ways to tell dressy formal attire is required:  generally, your invitation will tell you what to wear. Secondary clues that dressy attire is necessary:

• the event is held on a Saturday, not a Friday
• significant others are invited
• the event is held in a swank place that is not necessarily well-located near the office
• your company holds two parties: one for staffers (held on a Friday night near or at the office) and one is held for the executives/lawyers (the dress code will be very different for the two events) (check out this advice on what to wear to a more low-key holiday office party)

2. Our first piece of advice:  Even if it’s not black-tie, buy a black dress or another muted color — although color is acceptable to wear at some events, this can vary greatly from event to event. (Nordstrom has some amazing sales on plain long gowns — and Rent the Runway is always a great option.)

(Want $30 off your first Rent the Runway order? Here’s our referral code.)

Some of Our Latest Favorite Evening Gowns for Black-Tie Work Events

Hunting for generally affordable evening gowns for black-tie work events? Some of our favorite brands include Lulus, Dress the Population, Eliza J, XScape, and Alex Evenings.

Hunting for plus-size gowns for black-tie work events? For affordable options we like like Kiyonna, City Chic, Reformation, Anthropologie, and eShakti — also check out bridesmaid brands like BHLDN and Birdy Grey. If you’re open to spending more, check out Marina Rinaldi and Lafayette 148 New York (limited options).

General Tips on What NOT to Wear to Black-Tie Affairs

3. When shopping for your dress, think “classic beauty,” NOT sexy. To this end, avoid skin in unexpected places (see above — the keyhole above the empire waist is trouble). No side-boob, no under-boob, and no dresses with the low-low back (um, below).

4. Strapless can be acceptable so long as your dress is well-anchored — no chance of things heading south.

5. Cleavage can also be acceptable — a very little amount of cleavage — if it’s controlled. (If you’re on the busty side (same here, sister!), check out our style tips for busty women.

6. No trains or fishtail hems (see below). Seriously, you’re going to be mingling, trying to balance your drink, and trying to indulge in the occasional bite of sushi or pig in a blanket. You don’t want people stepping on your dress in the midst of all that…

7. In fact, a cocktail-length dress (above the knee) can be acceptable if the dress is fancy enough. You can always accessorize with a crystal or diamond brooch, sparkly shoes, a sparkly wrap, etc. If you’re unsure of how fancy the event is, you may want to go with either a fancy cocktail dress or a plain floor-length black dress.

Hunting for great cocktail dresses for work functions? Some of the best brands to check include Dress the Population, CeCe, Maggy London, Eliza J, and Calvin Klein. Some of the reader favorites from Amazon might also work! Some other recent favorites include these:

8. Don’t wear anything too outré. Even if you really know your fashion stuff, anything cutting edge can just make you look like a hack. (Remember Patsy and Edina, after all.)

9. Splurge on accessories or shoes. A sequined or beaded wrap, some jeweled shoes, or a quality clutch like these will all serve you well throughout your life. The fancier your dress is the fancier your bag should be, the minaudiere and box clutch are classic pieces. If diamond earrings aren’t in your future, check out this brand for highly rated cubic zirconia pieces. Also, these glitter stud earrings are always a hit.

10. If time and money allow, get your hair done, but definitely get a manicure. We always find that if you’re shaking hands and talking with people while holding a glass, focus tends to be on your hands and how well manicured they are. If you’re not a polish sort of girl, just get clear or pale polish. If you are a polish sort of girl, we recommend keeping it tasteful and avoiding sparkles and trendy shades. Still, it’s a party — choose a color that compliments your outfit.

Psst: if you know you’re going to need a reprieve from your heels at some point in the night, these are some of our favorite foldable flats…

Original Photo credit at (martini, no longer pictured) : the perfect martini, originally uploaded to Flickr by berbercarpet. Updated social media images: Deposit Photos / Deklofenak.

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