Hi everyone! Hey, have you heard that the U.S. presidential election is next week? It’s the most important election in our nation’s history (although so was 2016 and 2012 and apparently many others). Stuff is pretty heavy right now.

So let’s put all that away for a couple of hours and spend some time in the desert with our Bachelorette, shall we?

It’s Week Three. It’s literally the most uncomfortably awkward, cringey episode of The Bachelor/ette that I have ever seen. Let’s do this.

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony: Last week ended on a cliffhanger, before the Rose Ceremony, so we start off with the guys sitting around, talking about how awesome Clare is, and it’s ultimately just filler around the real drama of the night, and the first awkwardly uncomfortable moment of the episode: Yosef.

As we know, Yosef has seen some red flags in Clare that he wants to address, such as the fact that Clare wanted the guys to seek out time with her, and they didn’t, and the other fact that some of the guys played strip dodgeball on a group date that Yosef wasn’t even on.

Yosef talks tough in front of the guys, telling them he’s going to talk about his concerns with Clare, and Riley basically tells Yosef he’s being super disrespectful and to maybe calm the fork down. Yosef is 30 years old but he looks like a solid 42, and he talks about his daughter a lot, and I just don’t think that anything he says is sincere.

Also, he doesn’t know what the word “atrocity” means. He literally says: “I’m looking forward to telling Clare exactly how I feel and wash my hands of this atrocity.” That is a pretty serious accusation for a reality TV dating show, and unless The Bachelor/ette is a front for puppy mills and/or street-grade synthetic opioids, the word “atrocity” is not really applicable here.

Yosef interrupts Clare, who is talking to Jordan, and pretty much cuts to the chase, and by “the chase” I mean “the part where he just decides to be incredibly rude and dismissive of Clare, and that’s the high point.” I have tried to paraphrase for clarity:

Yosef: I know technically we’re here for you, but you’re also supposed to be here for meeeeeeeeee.
Clare: Okay, sure.
Yosef: No, you don’t understand. I’ve sacrificed a lot to be here, like not spending time with my daughter.
Clare: I get it. You know, my mom has dementia and is actually literally dying–
Yosef, smiling like a psychopath: Don’t interrupt me.

[Can we just pause for a second, and acknowledge that Clare’s mom has dementia, and Clare is really trying to relate to Yosef here, about the pain of missing time with loved ones when you know that time is limited, and all Yosef can see is that he was interrupted by the woman he is there to pursue. Again, he is the actual worst.]

Yosef, making scary intense eye contact: I don’t see how playing strip dodgeball translates into you having a husband. You are immature and you degrade and humiliate men by making them play strip dodgeball. Could you imagine if my daughter saw me doing that?
Clare, awesomely, with a face that shows she is totally over it: Uh, yeah dude, that’s why we didn’t pick you for that date.
Yosef, snippily: You’re old and why aren’t you acting more like an old lady? I expected more from the oldest Bachelorette, and have I mentioned yet that you’re old?

And then, this exchange, verbatim:

Yosef, literally and completely unnecessarily: You’re not setting the right example for my daughter … I’m ashamed to be associated with you. I can’t believe I sacrificed so much to be here, just to watch this distasteful and classless display. So appalled.
Clare, eventually, after some more back and forth: You are done, you are done. Never in a million years did I ever have to utter these words again. Do not ever talk to me like that. I never thought I would have to say that to a man. I stand by that. I would never want my children to have a father like you. Get out of here. Get out.
Yosef, stalking Clare after she has told him to leave and is clearly trying to walk away from him: You’re not fit to be the mother of my child.

At this point, some of the guys are starting to overhear what Yosef is saying, and I’m glad to say that they pretty much immediately express that he’s out of line.

As he walks away, Yosef gives us the line they’ve been teasing, yelling: “I expected way more from the oldest Bachelorette in history!”

He also yells “Remember, you’re almost 40!” and is Yosef just showing us that he can count? Because I’m pretty sure Clare — along with all of us — know that she’s 39, and, yes, 39 is almost 40, and 40 is not, like, a death sentence, guy.

The other guys yell back and tell him, in various ways, to go home. Which he does; Yosef gets into the back of a car, and is driven off, hopefully never to be seen again.

Then, we get this great moment from Clare: “To talk to a woman like that … I didn’t even do anything to that man. Sick, sick! … To sit there and say you’re the oldest Bachelorette, well guess what, I’m the oldest Bachelorette who’s 39 and single because I didn’t settle for men like that!”

I genuinely loved this. We’ve all seen the part where she says she’s single because she didn’t settle, but the part that really got me was where she said “I don’t even do anything to that man.” That’s what so much of gender toxicity is about, isn’t it? Clare did literally nothing to Yosef, and he just attacked her, fully loaded, throwing insults at her that he knew would hurt. Over a date he wasn’t even on. I would love to know what, exactly, he believes she owed him.

In the end, though, it’s pretty clear that all of this has gotten to her, and I don’t blame her. You can know that someone is a dirtbag and still be hurt by their insults. She’s breathing deeply and it looks like she’s trying not to cry, and it all feels pretty real and relatable.

But then, here comes Dale! He’s the first to swoop in and comfort her, and he takes her in his arms, and offers her soothing and comforting words, and then he does that thing where he touches his forehead to hers, and it’s super cute. Clare tells him she wishes she could spend so much more time with him. Clare asks if he’s just appeasing her, which is something Yosef told Clare the men were doing, and Dale takes the opportunity to say this: “I’m here to please you.”

Nice, Dale.

In an interview, Clare says that all she’s ever wanted was a man like Dale, who will protect her and stick up for her, and make sure she doesn’t have to go through things alone. She says it’s not even the second rose ceremony yet, and she’s falling in love with him.

After a quick chat with Chris, Clare tells the guys that she doesn’t want to continue the cocktail party, and they will just skip ahead to the Rose Ceremony. Yikes. Clare keeps around, what, 17-ish guys? I don’t know. I don’t even really know all their names until we get down to 10 or so.

In a bit of foreshadowing, we see various guys talking about how they are looking forward to getting to know Clare and spend time with her. Chasen says he didn’t think it was possible to develop feelings so quickly (early-onset Stockholm Syndrome, perhaps?); Riley says Clare is a great woman, and someone he wants to be around. But if the teasers tell us anything, it’s that Clare is spending pretty much all her time with Dale.

The next day: Chris Harrison shows up to deliver a group date card, but before he does, he gets in this gem of a deadpan: “Last night was obviously emotional for Clare and you guys. It didn’t go as planned. This process will expose you, you’re going to be seen. Yosef was seen and exposed last night. That’s how this process works.”

Ha! I mean, choosing those words the day after a guy left because he was complaining about men being exposed in a game of strip dodgeball … that’s got to be on purpose, right?

The group date card says: “Today, we separate the men from the boys. Love, Clare.”

We will literally never know what this means, because the group date never happened, for reasons that aren’t made clear.

Maybe this is the point where Clare locked herself in the closet and refused to continue with the show (allegedly)?

Or maybe it was because she just wanted some extra girl time with former Bachelorette Deanna, who shows up at Clare’s door as Clare just happens to be hanging out on her couch, journaling, in front of a reality TV production crew, as one does. Deanna was the fourth Bachelorette in the franchise, and although she didn’t end up with the guy she chose at the end, she did marry the twin brother of a contestant who appeared on a different Bachelorette season. See? The Bachelor/ette process works!

We then see what appears to be some ironic editing, with shots of the guys talking about how much they’re looking forward to spending time with Clare intercut with Clare talking to Deanna pretty much exclusively about Dale. Somehow Clare has a pair of Dale’s pants in her room, and shows them to Deanna, and both women smell Dale’s pants, and I really can’t write it any other way because that’s exactly what happened, and it’s just as weird as it sounds.

Deanna and Clare talk about the feeling of “when you know, you know,” which I personally have never felt upon a first encounter with someone, but I’m told it happens, and it apparently happened to Deanna and her husband. This seems to confirm Clare’s apparent choice to fully lean in with Dale, who Clare says “checks the boxes I didn’t know were boxes.” Aw. I’m curious — have any of you experienced long-lasting love at first sight? Have you had the “when you know, you know” moments that have lasted? Please share in the comments — I want to hear your love stories!

So, after apparently making the guys wait for literally hours before confirming she’s standing them up, Clare brings us the second uncomfortably awkward moment of the episode, when she tells the guys she cancelled the date in exchange for an extra-long cocktail party. She tells them she’s going to get ready, and makes a hasty retreat.

The guys are, understandably, disappointed, and to be honest, I am too. But you know who’s not disappointed? Dale, of course. To him, it’s just another chance to spend quality time with her.

Group date: Clare is wearing a shorts suit and a lacy top and it’s legitimately one of my favorite looks. I know shorts suits are controversial, but Clare is definitely pulling it off here.

Dale jumps in straight away, asking-but-not-asking the group of guys — and not Clare, for some reason — if he can be the first to speak with Clare. He says he just wants about five minutes. The guys seem skeptical. Clare and Dale agree to go off together, but not before Dale cheerfully demands that everyone participate in a group hug, for some reason, and thereby delivering our third super-awkward moment of the episode.

Clare brings Dale back to her suite and they make their way onto the bed almost immediately. Dale is there for way longer than five minutes. At one point Clare says “Why are you so perfect?” and Dale says “I’m not perfect, you’re perfect!” and I just want to tell both of these people to maybe manage their expectations, just a little bit? Anyway, they start making out, and a shot of the moon seems to suggest the passage of time.

Meanwhile, back at the guys’ place, Zach J. gets the one-on-one date card. He’s so excited that he wants to get up and knock over furniture. That’s literally what he says.

On the group date, Eazy decides to take action, and makes his way to Clare’s place, thus initiating the fourth amazingly uncomfortably awkward moment of the night. Clare answers the door, her hair super messy and her shorts super wrinkled. She invites Eazy in and tells him Dale is there, leading to this exchange:

Eazy: So, this is awkward
Dale: Bro, do your thing.
Eazy: What’s up, Bro, do you mind if I grab her?
Dale: Yeah, we were just, like, having a conversation.

Then Clare demands a hug from Dale before he leaves.

THIS IS SO AWKWARD. How on earth is Eazy supposed to have a conversation with Clare now? He knows what they were doing. What was that conversation even like?

Dale walks back to the group, huge grin on his face, and sits down. The other guys are about a million miles away from smiling at anything at this point.

Eazy and Clare get up from her couch, and she suggests heading back. Eazy comes back alone, and we hear Clare asking a producer if they could hurry it along. We get some quick shots of Clare with various Guys Who Aren’t Dale, and each of them is just interrupting each other, and it’s basically an SNL sketch.

We get our fifth super-awkward moment of the night as Clare is chatting with Jay. She’s telling him she wants a guy who’s going to step up and step out of the box and do what they want, because she’s that way, when Dale steps into the room. He acts shocked — shocked! — that someone is in there, and makes to leave, but then Clare asks him to stay: “Do you want to come on over?” Jay can’t get out of there fast enough. He goes back to the guys and tell them he was interrupted. By Dale. They are not pleased.

Next we see shots of Dale and Clare kissing intercut with shots of the guys sitting around, complaining about Dale. Riley criticizes Dale for giving a “respect brothers” talk and then not actually respecting the other guys.

Chasen says he’ll go interrupt Dale, like it’s a big heroic effort, and this is how we got our sixth incredibly awkward moment of the episode. Chasen walks in on Dale and Clare kissing, opening the door with just enough time for Dale to strike a fake-casual, nothing-to-see-here pose, as though it’s not totally obvious what they were doing.

Chasen asks if he’s interrupting anything, which, yeah, obviously, but Clare says no, and invites him to stay.

For some reason, the smile on Dale’s face as he literally sidles out the door just cracks me up.

Dale rejoins the guys. Riley asks him what was going on, and eventually scolds Dale for giving the “band of brothers” speech, and Eazy is annoyed that Dale keeps going after Clare after giving a speech that he wanted to respect the other guys, and I again wonder if anyone on production can remind the guys the very premise of the show?

Group rose time! Clare arrives with some seriously tousled hair. It looks great, but it definitely looks, shall I say, loved up. (Ahem.) Clare tells the guys she’s loved all her conversations tonight, and there’s a rose on the table, and she has to give it out, and she just seems to internally say “fork it” and gives it to Dale. They say thank you to each other a lot.

Clare leaves, and the guys all descend on Dale. There’s fake applause, sarcastic mutterings of “Congratulations,” and it’s generally unpleasant, and there’s something about it that feels particularly objectifying with regard to Clare. Yes, this is a competition, and the contestants can play dirty sometimes, but even though getting time with Clare is seen as a “prize,” Clare, herself, is not actually a prize; she’s a woman making her own decisions. And maybe that’s why she’s a different sort of Bachelorette. Maybe she intended to play “the game,” but in reality, most 39-year-old women who are single are probably over playing games, and maybe that’s just where Clare is. Maybe she’s used to going for what she wants, and doesn’t feel obligated to wait around for any reason once she’s found it, and while it might not be as fun to watch, I respect her for that.

The guys appear defeated. Back at the room, the guys call out Dale again for saying he wanted five minutes when he actually took 45. Dale steps in it when he says he thinks he’s the “best suited” to spend time with her; the guys seize on this, with Riley ultimately saying: “He believes he’s the best suited man here, and after what happened tonight, after Clare gave him the rose, I think she might think that he is. If that’s the case, her credibility is in question. That’s going to cause some controversy.”

Indeed, Riley. Indeed.

One-on-one date with Zach J.: So, start to finish, this was tough to watch.

It starts normally enough. Clare goes to get Zach J. for their date, and greets all the guys. It looks like she’s really struggling not to just stare at Dale. In an interview Clare says she was pretty much ready to have sex with Dale last night, and it was really hard to hold back, and other than hoping she would have kicked out the camera crew before it got to that point, I’m glad we’re seeing Clare being a modern and experienced woman, who doesn’t have shame around sex. Good.

Meanwhile, in non-Dale agenda items, Zach J. goes into the date excited. He says he feels like a kid on Christmas Day. Clare perceives his energy as nervous, and it’s off-putting to her. Because there is literally nothing to do other than what can be offered at the La Quinta Resort, the date is a “spa day,” where Zach J. has his first pedicure, and Clare applies an avocado mask to his face.

Back at the dude ranch, the guys are in the pool, complaining about Clare’s obvious preference for Dale. They drag him a little bit, say it’s not fair, and they complain about Dale getting “extra time,” and at this point I would love it if someone could point out that none of these guys are actually entitled to time in the first place. Zac mentions the rumors that Clare and Dale had been in touch through social media before filming started, and I actually kind of hope that’s true, because it would put their initial meeting — and her preoccupation with him — in perspective.

Clare and Zach J. have taken their spa date out to the pool, and Clare’s dog is also there. Clare tells Zach J. that they should go get ready for dinner, and as they’re getting out of the pool, we have our seventh incredibly uncomfortably awkward moment of the episode. Clare leaned in for a kiss, and Zach J. didn’t seem to reciprocate immediately. He just sat there frozen, and at the last minute, Clare stopped just centimeters from his face. I thought my TV had paused, but then Clare pulled back, laughed it off a little bit, and continued making her way out of the pool.

Zach J. seemed surprised, and immediately tried to get the moment back. It got kind of physical pretty quickly; he actually put his hand on her throat to try to guide her face back to him, and then her stomach, and I can see what he was trying to do there, but she clearly didn’t want it. There was some back and forth of Zach J. asking what happened, and Clare saying it’s fine. Zach J. really did get in her physical space, and at one point while Clare was talking, he put his hand behind her neck and tried pulling her toward him, which is a move I wish guys would just stop doing altogether. Clare clearly didn’t want any of that.

Back in her room, Clare says that Zach J. made her feel uncomfortable. She says she went in for the kiss, and he didn’t, and then when she tried to walk away, he grabbed her. It scared her, and she didn’t want to be near him. He should have let her walk away. She says she might be more sensitive about it because she’s been traumatized in the past, and has worked hard to heal from that, but in any case Zach J. shouldn’t have gotten so physically in her space like that.

Zach J. is sitting at a table set for two, alone, sweating bullets, maybe because it’s the desert and it’s hot, but also maybe because Clare hasn’t shown up yet. Instead, we get Chris Harrison, who tells Zach J. that Clare isn’t coming to dinner. Zach J. looks like he’s about to cry, and he says there was a misunderstanding. Chris tells Zach J. that he’s going home.

I’d really like to hear your take on this whole thing. Here’s mine: Do I think Zach J. intended to scare or intimidate Clare? No. Is it possible she wasn’t actually intimidated and is looking for a reason to send a guy who is not Dale home? Maybe. Do I think this is an example of a man thinking he’s acting appropriately when he actually isn’t, because society has constantly reinforced that guys have the right to take up whatever space they want without considering the impact on those around them? Yes.

Final Group Date: It’s a roast. Yes, a bunch of non-comedians will attempt to put on a roast. As Bachelor Nation knows, this hasn’t been a good idea in the past. At least this time we get Margaret Cho! Who Joe, the anesthesiologist, is genuinely excited to see! Joe says he’s Korean-American, and he’s known about Margaret Cho his whole life. She’s a legend, and he doesn’t want to let her down. Aw. I like Joe. I hope he doesn’t let her down either.

The guys say they are glad to be on a date that has nothing to do with Dale, and this is approximately 23 seconds of foreshadowing, because they are promptly told that a roast needs an audience, and that audience will be the guys not on the group date. Including Dale. This seems like the appropriate level of burn for a roast date.

The roast itself is an ongoing stream of jabs at Dale, or at least that’s what it’s edited to look like. Bennett — the loafer-wearing Harvard graduate — went after Dale especially hard, and Clare was increasingly uncomfortable. Eazy says it looked like Bennett really landed some of his verbal punches, and Riley praised Bennett for saying what the rest of the guys had been wanting to say. Clare looks increasingly troubled, and even Margaret Cho described Bennett’s roast as “hostile.”

Clare says that if some of the guys are picking up on the relationship between her and Dale, it’s because, well, she likes him: “That’s the whole point. Are you new here?”

Also Clare: “Hate on! Hate on. You can’t hate on love though.”

And here’s another reason why I like Clare: She delivers good lines that feel both prepared and sincere at the same time. Her lines are good for TV, but they also seem to carry some earned emotional weight behind them.

Post-roast, Eazy and Dale are talking. Eazy tells Dale he got burned, and Dale says he owns it, that he can see why he had it coming. In what was actually a pretty nice heart-to-heart, Eazy tells Dale that sometimes it feels like Dale doesn’t respect the other guys’ time, and he comes across as wanting to portray a persona, and that Dale should show more empathy. Dale says he’ll own it, but that he wants to move forward.

Back on the group date, Clare spends her one-on-one time with each guy essentially asking them to explain why they hate Dale. None of the guys like this, and maybe they should have thought a bit more strategically about it — like, if you don’t want to talk about Dale, don’t talk about Dale. I’m just saying, maybe if they hadn’t focused so much on Dale in their roasts, Clare wouldn’t want to talk about it on their date.

In the end, Clare gives us our eighth and final extremely awkward moment of the episode, when she gives the group date rose to … no one! She says that she did not get what she needed from the guys, and that she has a lot to think about, and she’ll see them tomorrow at the Rose Ceremony. As Clare walks away with a producer, we hear her say this: “I really don’t think I can sit there and go ‘You dished on my fiancé so hard,’ like, I can’t be doing that! Like it doesn’t feel right.”

Fiancé! She just referred to Dale as her fiancé. Wow.

In an interview, Clare gives the rose to herself, and delivers this truly amazing speech: “Clare, thank you for showing up tonight. I just want to let you know that I’m so proud of you for being bold, saying how you feel, speaking up, living your truth, and showing up for me. You, tonight, deserve this rose.”

Yes, Clare!

The guys from the group date complain and complain and complain, and Kenny, the boy band manager from Chicago, says “If you want to get crazy, let’s get [forking] crazy,” and did he just try to do a version of the Dad from the movie Us?

So, this isn’t the episode where Clare “blows up” The Bachelorette. But it certainly feels like she’s lit the fuse.

Next week, on The Bachelorette: Tears! An anguished Clare! Some angry dudes! A very, very serious Chris Harrison saying she’s “blown up The Bachelorette.” And … TAYSHIA!

Programming note: ABC obviously isn’t going to air the next episode on Election Day, so the next Bachelorette episode is set to air next Thursday, Nov. 5.

The post Bachelorette Recap #3: Awkward! appeared first on Corporette.com.

Hi everyone — Auntie M here with your weekly romantic(-ish) escapism, by way of Season 16 of The Bachelorette. Clare’s still in it … but we know that big changes are (apparently) coming. Will it be tonight?

Spoiler alert: Nope.

Tonight, on The Bachelorette: Dale! Kissing! Drama! Dale! The Five Love Languages! Emotionally manipulative forced trauma bonding! Strip dodgeball! Dale!

Let’s get on with it.

THE DAY AFTER THE FIRST DAY: Clare’s relaxing in a pool floatie, and I hope it’s as restorative as it looks because remember how the first cocktail party went until literally after the sun came up the next morning? She must be exhausted. But she’s excited to learn more about the guys, even though she had a hard time sleeping because she kept thinking about Dale.

The guys are walking around the resort, checking out their rooms, occasionally randomly yelling Clare’s name, and this is probably a good time for me to point out that I have long believed that part of being on The Bachelor/ette is a form of Stockholm Syndrome. I mean, even under non-pandemic conditions, everyone is locked away from the rest of the world, and the contestants are forced to focus on competing for the attention and affection of one person. This is already an extremely artificial situation, and it may be even more pronounced this season.

My other working theory for this season is that this is literally the lustiest season of The Bachelor/ette ever, because of coronavirus. How long have these people gone without physical contact from anyone else? I’m just saying, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was even more sexual tension this season than usual.

FIRST GROUP DATE: For this date, the guys are learning about “love languages,” which appear to be based on the Five Love Languages. Personally, I’m a fan: On our second date, my now-husband told me what his Love Language is, and at first I was like “Whoa, guy, slow down, it’s only our second date,” but then I was curious and took the quiz before our third date, and now we’re married. I’m not saying it’s only because of the Love Languages, and it’s probably more because we were both a little bit older when we met and had clear ideas of what we wanted in a relationship, but I will say that knowing his Love Language, and mine, was pretty good insight to have in a new relationship.

What about you, readers? Have any of you spent time with the Love Languages? What’s been your experience?

It turns out Clare’s Love Language is “Words of Affirmation” (me too!), so the first thing the guys do is take turns telling her why they like her, and they seem pretty sincere in doing it. Clare gets a little emotional and says it’s been a long time since she’s heard such kind things from men, and she’s not used to it. And while I think that the producers are probably giving us the hard sell on Dale, I think I might actually believe it. He and Clare really do seem to be into each other.

Next up: the Love Language of Gifts! The group date guys hustle back to their rooms to come up with a gift to give Clare. Some are personal, like Riley, who might have kind of a Moonlight Graham thing going on, giving Clare a baseball with what sounds like a pretty personal note on it, or Ivan, who gives Clare a queen chess piece, explaining that playing chess helped him and his family through some tough times, and telling her that he’ll hang on to the king piece to hopefully be her king one day (aw). And then some are … less personal, like how Ben gives Clare what appears to be a dirty T-shirt, which he says smells like him, and which Clare at least pretends to appreciate.

Dale gave her perfume for her dogs. So, he seems practical.

And then it’s time for the Love Language of Physical Touch, and this is where my Lustiest Season Ever theory really starts to take hold. One by one, each guy and Clare put on blindfolds and, well, touch each other. While the rest of the guys watch. It’s awkward, and a little sad, because can you imagine how sexually deprived all of these people are after months of isolation and quarantining? The energy in that room must have been … intense, right?

Now, it’s time for the Love Language of Quality Time. This part of the date was teased as a confrontation between the men and Clare, but I’ll tell you right now, that’s not what happened. Not that it isn’t awkward — it totally is — but there isn’t a huge fight at this time, although we do see Yosef really start to come into his own as this season’s Most Annoying Gaslighter.

Clare, after an interview in which she says she’s really looking forward to Dale pulling her aside and asking to spend time with her, greets the guys. They have a toast, she sits down, and then … super long awkward silence. No one pulls her aside. Not even Dale. Clare basically has to ask them to ask her for some time. It’s about as uncomfortable as it sounds.

She first walks off with Bennett, a super smarmy-seeming guy from New York who totally lives up to that stereotype of Harvard graduates mentioning they went to Harvard in literally the first sentence they say about themselves, and although she wants to get to know him, she’s clearly rattled by what looked like total apathy from the guys. She tells Bennett that she wants to be present with him, but she’s not, and heads back to the guys to see what’s up. I can totally see how Clare would feel rejected by this. The literal setup of the show is that the guys are competing for her attention, so it can’t feel great when the guys just sit back and do nothing. But it also felt like production might have dropped the ball here, because it really just seemed like no one knew what to do.

So, Clare walks back to the group of men and asks them about it. Yosef starts off by saying he’ll speak for the group (no, Yosef!), and Clare cuts him off pretty much immediately, telling him he needs to speak for himself (yes, Clare!), and after that the guys get to it pretty quickly, apologizing and saying they don’t want her to feel rejected. Well, all except for Yosef, who has apparently decided to start living his best negging life.

Yosef: “I started out saying I want to speak for the group, and what I want to say is you’re crazy to think that we didn’t all come here for you.”

Ahem. Someone needs to advise Yosef that negging is so early-aughts. Clare, to her credit, responds with some of the best side-eye I’ve ever seen, because she seems to know that Yosef knows exactly what he’s doing with that phrasing. Riley, to his credit, tries to shut Yosef down pretty much immediately, and later, shuts him down completely, telling him in no uncertain terms that Yosef did not speak for him: “There is no we, there is no us, there is no me and you.” The way this was teased, it looked like Riley was maybe saying this to Clare, so I was glad to see it was actually being said to the guy shaping up to be this season’s villain.

In a one-on-one with Dale, Clare tells him that he scares her. He asks why, and she says it’s because of the strong feelings she’s already having for him. Dale says he also has strong feelings for her, and in an interview, says that there’s no need for Clare to waste time with anyone else. Foreshadowing, perhaps?

Clare has some time with some other guys, including Zac C., who says he wants a woman in his life with “life experience” (excuse me, but was that some age shade?), and Riley, who I like, but he did that thing where he went in for a kiss as Clare was talking, literally answering a question he asked her. Has this ever happened to you? Personally, I think it’s a passive-aggressive way to just get a woman to stop talking, but I also know that the movies tell us that it’s an extremely romantic move. What do you think?

In any case, it must have worked, because Clare gives Riley the group date rose. (Ouch, Dale!)

Meanwhile, in continued Yosef Is The Worst news, here’s what he said about Clare confronting the guys: “The response from Clare tonight was hot-headed and immature. She isn’t living up to who I thought Clare was going into this, and if I have to address it with Clare, I definitely will.”

I mean, Yosef sucks.

ONE-ON-ONE DATE: Clare’s first one-on-one date is with Jason, a former pro football player, and as far as dates go, this was … a lot. Emotionally.

In a card delivered to Jason before the date, Clare asks him to write a letter to his younger self and bring it to the date, which sounds like my own personal nightmare because I really think that if I somehow met my younger self, she’d be pretty disappointed that I’m not an award-winning documentarian/Broadway star/master chef by this point, and I’d probably just end up trying to manage her expectations, which isn’t exactly how I’d want to spend time with my younger self, because I’d really want to talk about how we’ve mastered time travel technology in the future, you know?

Anyway. Back to Jason. He seems to have a hard time being vulnerable, and says his lack of vulnerability is probably why his previous relationships didn’t work out. He struggles to open up and share his “deepest, darkest secrets,” and this is really starting to feel like a setup for emotionally manipulative trauma bonding.

Clare tells Jason that she’s the first to crack self-deprecating jokes, getting other people to laugh so they feel comfortable. It’s her way of covering up her pain and struggle to deal with the hard times in her life, and she says she sees that in Jason too. Jason says he’s exactly the same way. Clare tells him that tonight, they’re going to practice letting go, and they scream into the desert night. Clare says she needed this, and her intuition is that Jason needed it as well. But, like, how did she know that? Was there a conversation between them that we missed?

Next therapeutic activity: writing down hurtful things people said about them that they’ve internalized. Yikes. They both do it, they say it out loud, and while I do not doubt that this was extremely valuable for both of them, I just don’t think that sharing your insecurities with a near-stranger is a good setup for romance.

The therapy date continues, with them reading their respective letters to their younger selves. Jason talks about how he’s afraid of opening up his “Pandora’s Box” of deep, dark feelings, and Clare assures him that nothing will scare her, that he can trust her with whatever demons he has, and that learning that stuff will make her feel closer to him, and now I’m starting to wonder, is Clare one of those women that likes to date men that need fixing? I mean, I’ve certainly done that, and I get the psychology around it — if you’re the one person who can reconcile a troubled man with his demons, then you must be, like, truly special, right? But also, by the time I was in my mid-30s, I was happy to leave guys with their “demons” to themselves. Someone else can fix them, but it wasn’t going to be me.

Jason talks in vague terms about childhood trauma, and Clare says she can hear the pain in his voice. Jason says Clare is helping him, and that she’s easy to talk to, and Clare says that she was standing at the foot of her father’s bed while he took his last breath, which sounds truly devastating, and so she can pretty much handle anything, and you know what? When she puts it like that, I believe her. The date ends with Clare burning the dress she wore in the finale of her Juan Pablo season of The Bachelor, and Clare gives Jason a rose, and they kiss. So, emotional manipulation and trauma bonding for the win, I guess?

FINAL GROUP DATE: The date card apparently said that Clare is “looking for a guy with some balls,” and Chris Harrison tells the guys they’ll be playing in a dodgeball tournament, with the prize being an after-party with Clare. The guys are divided into Red and Blue teams, with uniforms provided: tank tops, short shorts, long socks, headbands, and jock straps.

But then! There’s a twist! Clare wants it to be strip dodgeball. Good thing the guys have those jock straps!

The tournament begins. I definitely heard at least one “blue balls” joke, among the many other “men with balls” jokes throughout the night, and I’m so happy that we can still make jokes equating men’s genitalia with strength and courage! Nothing toxic about that, right? Although I have to admit, I did appreciate Chris Harrison’s perfect deadpan to Clare that she’s probably looking for a guy who has ball control.

The Red Team wins the tournament pretty handily, with the Blue Team down to their jock straps. Now, Bachelor Twitter is pretty mad about this, saying it’s sexist, complaining that if women contestants were asked to do this there would be outrage, etc. etc. This is probably true. However, the last time I checked, men haven’t had to face centuries of degradation, oppression, and hyper-sexualization due to their gender, and I’m pretty sure this one episode of The Bachelorette isn’t going to upend decades of patriarchal favor, so, you know, I’m ok with it.

You know who isn’t ok with it though? Yosef. He’s big mad. But more on that later.

Before the Blue Team leaves the court, some of the guys on the losing team apparently pull off their jockstraps, and Clare appears to try to avert her eyes while totally not averting her eyes, and then she hugs them on their way out. See? Pandemic Bachelorette is so lusty, you guys.

Back in the room, as the guys not on the date are talking about being out of their comfort zones, the Blue Team walks in, still nearly naked. One of the guys says it’s the most action he’s seen in a while, which, ha! As the losing team tells the story of tonight, Blake Moynes — the rule-breaker who reached out to Clare before the show started taping — says in an interview that he’s really upset. So upset, in fact, that he gets dressed, and sets out to crash Clare’s party with the Red Team.

Meanwhile, Clare and Eazy have some one-on-one time, with Eazy giving Clare a foot massage. Admittedly, if I were ever in a situation where a good-looking, charismatic guy started giving me a foot massage, I think I’d honestly have trouble finding my words, so good for Clare for keeping it together. Eazy compliments Clare’s energy, and she says she likes that he lights up a room.

Clare and Chasen chat about childhood and high school and being bullied and/or ignored and/or not asked to prom, and how that has made them appreciate being on the other side of it. They kiss, and I’m glad that at this point Clare still seems to be making an honest effort to give a chance to as many guys as possible.

By the time Blake gets to the party, Clare is talking to Jay, who wore the straitjacket on the first night, because waiting to meet her has made him “crazy,” and I honestly don’t care what happens to him because he used mental illness as a punchline. Blake interrupts and asks for time with Clare, even though he was on the losing team, and when the guys still on the group date find out, they form what looks like an actual posse to go back to Clare and Blake, as Blake is basically just telling Clare that he’ll break whatever rules just to be with her. A mildly interesting confrontation ensues, with Clare eventually telling Blake that she’s going to get back to the party, and rejecting his attempt to kiss her. Blake says he hadn’t been rejected like that in a long time.

But it’s not the last rejection of the night, nor is it the best one! Which is about to happen, right now! Clare sits down to chat with Brandon, who tells her straight away that when he found out she was The Bachelorette, he knew he had to be there. Clare presses him further, and the conversation doesn’t seem to go exactly as Brandon might have hoped. Here’s my paraphrased, not-quite-verbatim recap of the conversation, subtext included:

Brandon: When I heard you were the Bachelorette, I knew I had to be here.
Clare: Cool, cool, so what about me made you want to be here?
Brandon: [long, extremely awkward pause] You’re gorgeous.
Clare: Okay, thank you. And?
Brandon: Well I don’t really know anything about you. You’re from Sacramento, right?
Clare: You … don’t know anything else about me?
Brandon: Well, not specifically, but does anyone know you?
Clare: Dude, I’ve been on the Bachelor franchise four times, and I have a public Instagram, plus you’ve had months to learn more about me. You got … nothing?
Brandon: [general desperate word salad involving the following: here to find love, start a family, I’ve felt special moments between us and I know you have too, etc., etc.]
Clare: Actually, I haven’t felt those moments between us, and there are some pretty great guys here, and so I don’t want to pursue anything with you, kthxbyeeeeeeeeee.

That was pretty awesome to watch. This season of The Bachelorette is unique for a lot of reasons, and one of them is that the guys had extra time to learn more about the woman they’d be pursuing. Clare has been clear that she only wants to meet men who are truly interested in meeting her, and it looked like Brandon didn’t even do any baseline research — the kind we all do in this age of online dating. This was one of those moments I’d been hoping for this season, with Clare making it clear she’s not messing around.

Group date rose goes to Chasen. Fair enough, I suppose. They had a good kiss.

COCKTAIL PARTY: Blake Moynes is super nervous, which makes sense, considering he crashed a party he wasn’t supposed to go to, and Clare rejected him when he tried to kiss her. Immediately after the party starts, Clare pulls him aside and gives him a rose, saying she didn’t want him to worry. She says that she doesn’t want him to break the rules all the time, but she appreciates that he did (again), and reassures him that everything he’s doing is right. Blake, assuaged, returns to the group, and needless to say, the rest of the guys are not happy about it.

Clare and Dale spend some time together, and both continue to confirm their growing attraction for each other, as well as a deeper connection. Clare talks about how the pandemic has been hard on her, in dealing with her mother, who has dementia and lives in a care facility. Dale, sweetly, says that he’s kept Clare and her mom in his prayers, and tells Clare that she’s not meant to go through all of those hard things alone. He tells her he knows they’ll have their time, and he’s not going to rush her or push her, but he wants to be on all the dates. Then Clare pulls out one of the blindfolds from the “Physical Touch” part of the group date and puts it on him and then they just make out for a little while.

In an interview, Clare says that she feels like what’s happening with Dale is “magical … these are my dreams coming true.” Aw.

Finally, Yosef. Ugh, he sucks. He’s complaining about the guys in their jock straps, saying it was humiliating. He says he sees “red flags” and that he intends to share his concerns, about Clare, with Clare, at the cocktail party. Great! Who doesn’t want to see a grown man try to scold a grown woman in front of other adults? Should be fun!

It’s a cliffhanger episode tonight, with no rose ceremony, and it looks like next week the guys start to get super jealous of Dale, because apparently they forgot the premise of the show. And Yosef continues to melt down and may even try to insult Clare because of her age. Good luck with that, Yosef!

READERS: What are your thoughts on this episode? Was the dodgeball date sexist, or was it all in good fun? Was Jason’s date manipulative, or meaningful? Love Languages: Yea or Nay? Is Yosef the actual worst? (Kidding, we already know the answer to that one, and the answer is yes.)

The post Episode 2: Dodgeball, Love Languages, and More! appeared first on Corporette.com.

Hi all! Auntie M and I were talking the other day and she noted that the Bachelorette this season is officially The Oldest Bachelorette Ever — and that it might be an interesting discussion here on Corporette about dating while older (and a fun distraction from politics!). So, let’s discuss, ladies — are you watching The Bachelorette this season? What are your thoughts? Here’s Auntie M’s recap of the first episode… – Kat

Hello everyone! Auntie M here, taking a look at the premiere of the 16th season of The Bachelorette. I don’t know about you, but I can really use a break from, oh, everything going on in the actual real world; a lot of Overachieving Chicks are working hard, either from home or on-site, and we’re facing previously-unimaginable challenges. The future is very uncertain. Let’s join Clare Crawley as she tries to find love at a beautiful resort in Palm Springs, shall we?

Clare has a longstanding career as a hairdresser/stylist/colorist and has family and friends who clearly fill out her life. She has dogs. She hikes. And yes, she’s been on the Bachelor franchise a few times (including one that ended with her getting engaged), but I still find myself really rooting for her. She’s charming, and self-aware, and pretty open about herself and her life.

Also, at 39 years old, Clare is officially The Oldest Bachelorette Ever (in the history of the franchise). This is apparently a big deal. Personally, I love it — I met my now-husband when I was 40, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who can relate to making it through her 30s without finding “the one,” right? I’m totally down to watch a woman not that much younger than me try to find her happily ever after.

Let’s dive in.

Previously, on The Bachelorette: The last time we had a new Bachelorette was May 13, 2019. Remember May 2019? We hadn’t yet seen the first Democratic presidential candidate debate, but Joe Biden was already leading the polls; Avengers: Endgame continued to dominate the box office, because apparently we used to all be totally cool with sitting next to total strangers inside somewhere; and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, had recently given birth to son Archie. Simpler times, those.

Tonight, on The Bachelorette: DRAMA, allegedly. And maybe — spoiler alert — a big twist?

Prologue: Chris Harrison, after astutely noting that we are experiencing an “extraordinary time in history,” and assuring us that there has been “plenty of testing” in order to make this Bachelorette season happen, takes us back to February, when he asks Clare over FaceTime to be the next Bachelorette. Clare gives a tearful and enthusiastic “Of course!” and at one point Chris says “You realize by this time next year, there’s a really good chance you’ll be engaged…” and honestly my mind went blank and filled with static so loud I couldn’t hear myself think, because are we ever going to escape 2020, isn’t it still really March of 2020, and what even is time, really, anyway?

Ahem. Sorry. Got lost in one of those mild-to-moderate existential crises, again. Anyway. Back to the show …

Clare was announced on Good Morning America — live, in studio — as the next Bachelorette. There are photo shoots, callbacks to epic tell-off of Bachelor Juan Pablo in 2014, and Clare telling us in a voiceover that “I would not be the strong woman I am today if it wasn’t for every experience in my life, including those past relationships,” and “I’m proud to be sitting here at 39, because I know for a fact this is my time.” (Me: YES, Clare. Yes. Get it.) During a photo shoot on the beach, she chats with some Bachelor Nation fans who are excited to see her season, and I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t have done the same thing if I ever met Clare in person. There was also a really pretty shot of Clare doing yoga at sunset.

But then, as we all know, coronavirus came to America. It’s April 2020, and Clare is subject to California’s shelter-at-home order. In a cell-phone video, Clare asks: “Quarantine day 22 … I don’t know. Should I sit on the couch today, or maybe … sit on the couch?” She talks about the challenges of dealing with coronavirus and lockdowns; she makes a funny video involving her dog, a bathrobe, and a nail file; she visits her mom, who apparently has Alzheimer’s and dementia and is living in a care facility. Clare worries that her chance to be the Bachelorette might be over.

But then! Chris Harrison calls Clare with some good news: The Bachelorette will start filming at the La Quinta Resort and Club, near Palm Springs, CA. (Disclosure: I’ve been to this resort, and it’s seriously beautiful and luxurious.) She quarantines indoors, and there’s some manufactured drama over her coronavirus test results (like, we know the results, obviously), but finally Chris Harrison gives her the good news: “You’re 100% clear to go. Free and clear. Ready to be the Bachelorette.”

My Husband: “Did he just say she’s … Clare to go?”

Clare’s so ready for this: “Bring on the men!” She talks about how grateful she is that they have this bubble keeping them safe, that she’ll be able to hug and kiss the men. The music swells, the birds chirp, and Clare walks the grounds of the resort looking super-cute in desert-appropriate shorts and tank top.

Next, we get a collection of selfie videos from the contestants, making their way to La Quinta to quarantine and get tested. I’m happy to see the guys wearing masks! But I’m less happy to see one of the guys making a video of himself, singing with his dog, while he is obviously driving. Eyes on the road, buddy! Sheesh.

Once in their individual rooms, the guys pass the time in different ways: one plays chess against himself, another meditates, another reads a book on emotional intelligence and uses a face mask. One makes a fake Clare out of towels and hangs out with her in the bathtub, one says the isolation reminds him of Army Ranger school, and one particularly athletic contestant says this is the time to make a game plan. They all get tested. They’re all negative. They’re all very excited to meet Clare and get this party started, or maybe it’s just that they’re excited to get out of their rooms and see another human face? Probably a mix of both.

Producer, off-camera, to one contestant: “You’re clear to meet Clare!”
My Husband: They didn’t just say “You’re Clare”? Seems like a missed opportunity.

Let The Games Begin: Chris greets Clare at the front of whatever is standing in for the Bachelor Mansion. They both are grateful to be able to hug each other, and they go inside for a brief catchup-slash-opportunity to collect soundbites for future episodes and drama. Clare (again) expresses her gratitude to be able to hug the “smoking-hot” men, and she acknowledges that “obviously there’s bigger things in the world happening,” but that this is something she’s wanted for a long time.

Same, Clare. Same.

Chris brings up Clare’s father, who passed away from brain cancer in 2004, because apparently we need to make Clare cry before she meets the men? Before he died, Clare’s father left a DVD for her future husband, which Clare hasn’t seen. She tells Chris that it’s special to her, and she’s not going to share that moment with just anyone, and it’s overall very bittersweet. She says her dad would be proud of her for just showing up, and it becomes clear that “showing up” will be the catchphrase of this season.

Clare, foreshadowing: “I’m a woman that knows what I want. I follow my gut. I can pick my husband out the second I meet him.”

The Men Arrive: Some contestants try to make a genuine connection with the Bachelorette. Several of them appear to be wearing nice shoes and no socks. And then others do … these things:

• Pretend to be pregnant (apparently a callback to when Clare first got out of the limo in Juan Pablo’s season, in which she, too, pretended to be pregnant)
• Make silly lawyer jokes, like: “As an attorney, my job is to help the jury find a verdict, and you are guilty as charged, looking beautiful in this dress.”
• Make silly doctor jokes while wearing a stethoscope, like: “I’m here to save your life … your love life.”
• Have jobs like “Boy Band Manager” and wear a T-shirt that literally has pictures of Clare’s dogs dressed up in old-timey military costumes
• Pull up in a fully-loaded station wagon, “Clark Griswold-style,” to show their commitment to … family values?
• Squeeze her hands so hard it leaves a mark
• Jump through a paper sign that says “Your Future Husband!”
• Literally wear a straightjacket
• Literally wear a knight’s armor and chainmail
• Literally show up in a giant bubble ball and say: “I heard your journey was taking place in a bubble and I wanted to be prepared.”
• Bring moon pies
• Bring popcorn
• Do a fake-out proposal, with a ring box and everything, except instead of a ring, it’s a … novelty toy of a man’s bare backside making farting noises? I think? I don’t know. I also don’t know why she didn’t send him home immediately.

And then, we meet Dale, 31, a former pro football player from South Dakota. The music changes. They smile at each other a lot, and honestly, it seems pretty magnetic between them. He goes inside, and Clare says: “I knew it. I just feel like I met my husband. I’m shaking.”

Chris: “Did you just say you think you may have just met your husband?”
Clare: “Every other guy I felt confident with, but with Dale, everything else went dark around me. I don’t even know what I just said. Did I sound OK? Did I say anything at all?”

Yikes.

For the rest of the guys, Clare says that she tries to be present, because she knows what the guys went through to participate, and this is an opportunity that she doesn’t take for granted. (More foreshadowing, perhaps?)

The Cocktail Party: This is the time for Clare to try to get to know the guys as much as possible. She kicks off the party with a glass of champagne and a nice speech about how grateful she is for the guys to be there, and she can’t wait to get to know them. Cheers!

After some initial conversations, most of which are just, like, aggressively fine, we get to see Clare and Dale have their first chat, and honestly, it felt pretty real. Clare talked about how hard it was to see her mom only through a window, because of the pandemic. Dale said he could relate — his sister has underlying health issues, and he hasn’t really been able to see her. He told Clare he’s an empath, and Clare says she’s one, too. In an interview, Clare says that “everything feels so natural with Dale. There’s those butterflies, that nervousness, but that’s because I like him. I know what I’m looking for, and I’m big on energy and vibes.” (Again, foreshadowing?)

Clare’s dog Honey joins the party! As many guys as possible try to make a good impression on Clare by trying to get Honey to like them.

Over the course of the night, Clare receives gifts, including bejeweled flip flops, a game with origami pieces, and a drawing of herself by one of the contestant’s nieces. She plays a “strongman” carnival game, and goes bowling with the guy in the giant bubble ball and a set of giant bowling pins. One contestant asks if she’s seen My Cousin Vinny and didn’t seem to know how to respond when she said she hadn’t; another said Clare was “the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, since my mother.” The straightjacket guy manages to stay in the straightjacket the entire party, without explanation.

The commercials for the premiere episode promised a lot of drama, and I have to say, the episode didn’t actually deliver on that. The “controversy” of the night occurred when Tyler C. accused Yosef of “inappropriately” messaging a girl on Instagram. While the guys threw allegations at each other, Clare seemed pretty unbothered, and pretty quickly went back to go talk to the other guys, leaving Tyler C. and Yosef to work it out. Good low-drama conflict resolution effort, Clare!

Kiss Count: Two. Clare’s first kiss of the night was with Blake, who apparently broke show rules by reaching out to her before the show started filming. Clare said the fact that he risked being cut from the show meant everything to her, and that he reached her when she was feeling particularly low, as her mother had recently suffered a fall.

The second kiss was with Dale, after she gave him the First Impression Rose. Clare told him that she’s talked to so many men, but he was the one she wanted to keep talking to. Dale told her he felt the same, and even as they went in for a kiss, Dale said he was nervous, but then immediately said he wasn’t nervous. And then they made out for a little bit.

Rose Ceremony: This must have been a really long party, because the sun is well up by the time the Rose Ceremony starts. Clare seems to feel especially bad eliminating anyone tonight, considering all they had to go through just to get on the show. But rules are rules, and Clare hands out roses. The guys who didn’t get roses included a heavily-tattooed guy with a literal “open heart” tattoo on his chest, and Tyler C., the contestant who accused Yosef of inappropriate Instagram messaging behavior. Clare thanks the remaining men, and tells them that “it’s going to get a lot harder, and a lot better.”

Coming Up on the Bachelorette: Lots of kissing. Cliffside screaming, carnival ride riding, guys maybe stripping, guys probably fighting, and lots (and lots) of crying.

Also: Clare letting us all know, in an apparent reference to a contestant behaving badly, that she’s the oldest Bachelorette, and 39 and single, because she didn’t settle for Men. Like. THAT.

Also: Apparently Clare blows up The Bachelorette.

ALSO: A black limo pulls up to the resort, but we don’t know who’s inside. Could it be … this person?

I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to finding out!

The post Let’s Discuss: The Bachelorette appeared first on Corporette.com.

Last Valentine’s Day, a number of readers requested a post on how to be content as a single person on Valentine’s Day. While I’ve had a ton of single years, I’ve also been married for almost ten years now. So I asked my good friend, Auntie M. — who knows a thing or two about being a singleton on Valentine’s Day — to offer her thoughts… – Kat 

I have spent a lot of holidays alone. I’ve also spent plenty of holidays coupled up, but if you can name a holiday — Thanksgiving, New Year’s Eve, 4th of July, my birthday, certainly Valentine’s Day — I can tell you about the time (or times) I spent it on my own.

Here is what I’ve learned:

It can actually be pretty great.

If you’re facing a holiday solo, my first suggestion is to travel, if possible. Get out of town. Go somewhere new. It might be kind of a bummer to spend an important day alone at home, but it’s kind of badass to spend it in an entirely new place altogether, right?

I’ve spent multiple New Year’s Eves surrounded by strangers in some pretty far-flung places, and, yeah, I didn’t have anyone to kiss at midnight, but I do have some amazing memories — and some pretty respectable stamps in my passport.

If travel isn’t a possibility, find a way to engage in some meaningful self-care. For me, this means some kind of spa-type treatment, like a massage at a fancy place I normally wouldn’t visit, followed by a meal I find truly delicious (plan ahead so you can make something yourself and avoid the V-Day crowds and price hikes at local restaurants).

Or, take care of yourself in other ways — a relaxing nighttime yoga class, maybe, or a night of watching your favorite movies or TV shows.

Whatever you choose, just make sure it’s something that you truly enjoy, and not something you think you “should” do. Take a night off of from “should,” and, well, treat yourself.

My final go-to trick for spending a meaningful holiday solo is to set up new traditions for myself — something I can carry forward to future holidays. I do this on New Year’s Day, by doing things that are symbolic of the year I want to have (working out, cooking something healthy, finding things I no longer need that are in good condition to donate to my local charity shop).

There’s no reason why this can’t apply to Valentine’s Day as well. Get creative, and come up with new ways to spend Valentine’s Day that you can do in the future, with or without a partner.

Valentine’s Day marketing is everywhere, but the truth is, you don’t actually need to feel burdened by the constant messaging that your value comes from being in a relationship. You are valuable regardless, and you are entitled to feel good about yourself without relying on another person to validate those feelings.

Give yourself permission to make the holiday your own, and only do those things that reaffirm what you love most about yourself.

Readers, what are your best tips on how to be content as a single person on Valentine’s Day — or to otherwise be happily single? Do you have traditions for spending holidays by yourself — and what are they? 

The post How to Be Happily Single… on Valentine’s Day appeared first on Corporette.com.

This mini-city guide to Los Angeles for women lawyers and other professionals comes from reader Auntie M, a longtime Los Angeles resident and born-and-raised Southern California girl (and former LA lawyer, and one of Kat’s oldest and best friends). She wants you to know that this guide is not meant to be all-inclusive, and even as she writes this, she knows she’s left off too much. Los Angeles is vast and confusing and a tough nut to crack, but it’s also glamorous and offbeat and artistic and delicious, a tough place to both love and leave. She also has Bruins in her blood, and knows that her second-favorite team is always the one that’s playing USC. Welcome back to Corporette®, M! Readers, you can check out other posts in our City Guide series here. Want to offer advice to the readers for YOUR city? Please fill out this form — we’d be so thankful for any advice you have! – Kat

Where to Stay in Los Angeles

If you’re planning a trip to LA, then you probably already know how spread out it is. If you’re visiting for a specific reason or event, like a work or family event, you’ll probably want to stay close to wherever that is, for convenience – what they say about LA traffic is true, and although Angelenos love to brag about their super-secret side-street and back-road routes, if you don’t know the lay of the land, you will probably find yourself stuck in traffic and very frustrated.

If you’re just headed to LA for a vacation, where you decide to stay will depend on what you want. Sand and surf? Celeb-spotting? High-end shopping? If you’re looking for ideas, the Los Angeles Conservancy has some interesting suggestions for self-guided tours. Wherever you are, you will probably need to rent a car to see it all (more on that later), but here’s a quick look at what some of the areas have to offer:

Santa Monica & Venice Beach

Beachside towns that border each other, with Venice just south of Santa Monica.

• Venice Boardwalk
• Venice canals
• Santa Monica Pier
• Santa Monica Third Street Promenade

Beverly Hills

Spend enough time here and you, too, may have an important epiphany at a water fountain.

• Barney’s New York, Neiman Marcus, and Saks Fifth Avenue – all located near each other on Wilshire Blvd.
• Rodeo Drive
• For something sweet, check out the original Sprinkles Cupcakes

West Hollywood and adjacent

A high concentration of gay-friendly hotspots in West Hollywood is a stone’s throw from the iconic Fairfax Avenue, and also is your entry point for a fun hike

• The Abbey
• The Farmer’s Market at 3^rd and Fairfax, with LA standouts like Loteria and DuPar’s
• Runyon Canyon is a classic Hollywood hike; go during weekday work hours to up your chances of a celebrity sighting

Hollywood

Home to, well, Hollywood, including:

• Hollywood & Highland
• Grauman’s Chinese Theatre
• Walk of Fame
• The Hollywood sign

Downtown LA

Downtown – known to some as DTLA, but I’ve never heard a local call it that – has been “up and coming” for more than a decade, but it’s still a little rough. Worth it, though, if you want to see:

• Angels Flight / Bunker Hill
• Walt Disney Concert Hall
• Union Station
• Nearby: Olvera Street, Chinatown, Little Tokyo

The Valley / Burbank

I’ll admit that I have heard of these places and may have even driven into them a few times, but really all I know about the Valley is that it’s home to a lot of TV studios, there’s an airport in Burbank, and people who live there actually really love it.

Silverlake / Echo Park

Hipster central, high concentration of indie music spots, local restaurants, and gay-friendly (in a more low-key way than WeHo). Not much in the way of tourist attractions, but worth seeking out if you want to check out LA’s coolest kids.

Where to Eat in Los Angeles

I’ll be honest, there are far too many great restaurants to include here, but if you have a few hours and want to sample some of LA’s best, check these out:

Grand Central Market: A little bit of everything.

Food trucks: Admittedly, these are hard to find, and with LA driving being what it is, it’s not so easy to just “pull over” if you spot one you like. This website seems to be a good place to start.

In-n-Out: You’ve heard of it, now try it for yourself. Several locations in LA, and there will probably be a line or a wait. (Pro tip: eat it fresh, rather than to go.) (And, ok, fine, here’s the unofficial secret menu, which goes into slightly more detail than their official one.)

Philippe: Home of the original French Dip sandwich.

Canter’s Deli: My personal favorite (although if I lived further east, I’d probably spend more time at Langer’s). Don’t forget to look up at the ceiling as you eat your expensive-but-delicious sandwiches, and once you’re done, do drop in to the Kibitz Room next door, where the rock history practically emanates from the walls.

Tacos and tortas: The best I’ve had are the ones I’ve gotten from food trucks or holes-in-the wall late at night, and I honestly couldn’t tell you the names of any of those locations, but this list seems to have some good offerings.

Pink’s Hot Dogs: Great onion rings, beloved chili dogs. Always a line, even at 10 in the morning.

Guelaguetza: Another personal favorite, this place has delicious Oaxacan food in the middle of LA’s Koreatown, and the best mole I’ve ever had.

Other Things To Do While Visiting Los Angeles

Honestly, there is so much to do in LA, and with everything so spread out, it’s nearly impossible to get to all the best it has to offer in a single visit. Here are some suggestions, to start.

Art: LACMA, Getty, REDCAT, Downtown Art Walk – they all show different parts of LA’s fantastic art scene, from the classics to exciting new works to avant-garde performances.

Theatre: New York gets all the theatre love, but LA’s theatre scene is vibrant and often overlooked. I personally love “Theatre Row” in Hollywood, but you can catch more mainstream shows at the Geffen Playhouse or the Center Theatre Group.

Music: The Hollywood Bowl, Staples Center, The Forum – these are some great places to see a huge headliner, but LA has some great smaller venues that attract some great acts. My favorites are the Troubadour, the Wiltern, and the Greek Theatre.

Sports: Staples is home to the Lakers, Clippers, Sparks and Kings, so whatever you like, you’ll probably find it there. If you’re there during baseball season, a trip to Dodger Stadium is a fun way to spend a summer evening.

Show tapings: From The Price is Right and Jeopardy! to popular sitcoms and Jimmy Kimmel Live, there are plenty of opportunities to be part of a “live studio audience,” which is actually a real thing. Plan ahead for this one, and plan to spend a lot of time doing it.

Disneyland: Technically located in Orange County, Disneyland often feels like LA because so may Angelenos go there regularly. I had a season pass for years, even though I don’t have kids, because there is something that’s just so fun about driving down to Anaheim after work on a random summer weeknight just to hit a few rides and maybe eat a churro. Yes, Disneyland can be crowded and overpriced, but it’s also a California classic that’s worth a visit at least once.

Safety Tips for Women Visiting Los Angeles

If you’re visiting and renting or borrow a car, you’re probably going to be using your phone to help you get around. Plan ahead: download whatever maps apps you like – people like Waze, I’ve been fine with Google Maps. Just find what works for you, and get comfortable with it ahead of time. Put in your destination before you start to drive, and try to get a general feel for where you’re going. And for the love of all things LA, get one of these vent-clip mounts, so that you’re not looking down at your phone. This one seems to be popular (affiliate link).

Use caution on the roads, especially in the rain. Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive. Traffic will probably have you spending plenty of time in the car, but fortunately, LA’s KCRW radio station is pretty great.

LA readers and recent visitors to LA, what would you include in a city guide to Los Angeles? Where do you like to shop for work clothes in Los Angeles; where are your favorite LA spots to eat, and what is a “don’t miss” thing to do? Here’s a template for your response if it’s helpful…

Where to stay:
Where to shop:
Where to eat:
Favorite attractions:
Etiquette tips if any:
Safety tips if any:
Other notes:

Pictures via Stencil.

The post City Series: The Corporette® Guide to Los Angeles appeared first on Corporette.com.

What are your best tips for traveling solo, ladies? We’ve talked about how to plan a vacation and how to take vacation time without making yourself crazy, but we haven’t really discussed traveling alone as a woman. Particularly considering some folks may be in the midst of planning bar trips right now, I thought we’d discuss. Today’s tips for traveling solo come  from one of my best friends since college, who we’ve called Auntie M when she’s guest posted in the past (taking a week of TPS reports in 2011 and another earlier this year, as well as sharing her experiences with freezing her eggs). Welcome back, Auntie M! – Kat

Hi there. I’m writing this from Madagascar, where I’m working on a documentary on a traveling French brass band. Since I’ve started traveling, it’s really been a trip – I’ve lost my luggage for five days, found weird (huge!) bugs in my clothing, and gotten super sick from eating who knows what. My point is, when you travel, things will happen that will surprise you, even when you’ve passed the point where you think you can still be surprised. And your ability to cope with these things will also surprise you. And travel — yes, even solo travel — can be fun. Like, a lot of fun. With some good preparation, a friendly attitude, a commitment to let go of some of your neuroses (seriously, leave that sleep-sheet behind, princess) and to never, ever panic, you can be ready to take on the world. Below are some tips and tricks. Safe travels, everyone!

(All photos courtesy of Auntie M. All rights reserved.)

Well Begun is Half Done: Preparation

Research, research, research!

You won’t want to know everything about a country before you get there — leave yourself some room to make your own discoveries — but you’ll want to know enough so that you’re not taken too much by surprise. In addition to researching the must-see sights, look ahead to know the visa requirements, public holidays, and whether your home country has issued any travel advisories for your destination.

Pack light

“You pack it, you carry it” was a rule my father instituted early on in my childhood, and I’ve tried to follow it ever since. Most importantly, packing light makes you less of a target for scammers and thieves and other people looking to take advantage of a woman on her own. You will also worry less about what you’re going to wear, because you simply have fewer choices — it’s actually pretty liberating! In terms of luggage, for long-term, far-flung travel, a backpack is best. No matter where you’re going, make sure you can lift and carry all your bags yourself. To help pare down what you need, invest in quick-dry clothing and underwear you can wash yourself and hang to dry overnight. Instead of a dress, bring a compact black or dark skirt and pair it with a top for the “nice” nights out. Leave the jewelry behind — you’ll get some from the fabulous destination you’re headed to anyway, so don’t take up any more valuable bag space with any of your nice stuff from home.

Simplify your shoes

For extended backpacker-style trips, you will probably get a lot of use out of hiking boots or other closed-toe shoes with ankle support (wear while traveling so they don’t take up room in your pack). Wet-dry sandals with straps, like Tevas or Chukkas, are also a must. Lightweight, closed-toe flats like TOMS or Sanuks are a good option for visiting religious sites, and can also pass as “nice” shoes for backpackers. Keep in mind that unless you have very small or very large feet, you can buy cheap shoes just about anywhere if your needs change.

Be a copycat

Make a copy of your passport and itinerary and put it in your daypack. In fact, make two copies, and put one in your daypack and one in your main bag. If the worst-case scenario actually happens and your passport gets stolen or goes missing, these backup copies will help you tremendously in getting your life back together.

Lock it up

I keep a small, TSA-approved combination lock on all my bags — yes, even my carry-on. Pick a combination that’s easy to remember and hard for someone else to guess. Having locks visible on your bag will act as a deterrent to potential thieves. Lock the zippers on your bags together every single time you travel — even if you’re just on a bus, sticky fingers can often find a way to get into your stuff, even if you think you’ve kept an eye on it the whole time.

Get a money belt and wear it 

No, a money belt is not fashionable — but it is useful! I carry my passport and some cash in my money belt whenever I’m in transit, because I like to have my passport on my body the entire time as opposed to in a purse or backpack. I once had a travel partner who just kept his passport in his pocket, and it drove me crazy — it felt like he was inviting trouble! Once I arrive in a city, I usually don’t bring my passport out with me sightseeing; instead, I lock it up in my bag. If I’m staying at a hostel and no lockers are available, I’ll use a longer wire combination lock to secure my bag to my bed. If I’m in a guesthouse, I’ll just lock the bag up tight and make sure my room is locked before I leave it. I generally don’t trust guesthouse or hotel safes — I know too many people who have been the victims of “inside job” thefts that way.

Get your shots

Immunizations may be recommended or even required for travel to certain parts of the world — check with your local doctor or travel clinic. You don’t necessarily have to get all the shots; a rabies vaccine, for example, won’t protect against all strains of the disease, and some other vaccinations and medications are very expensive and might not be worth the cost if you’re in relatively good health. On the other hand, getting a flu shot ahead of traveling may help boost your immune system, which can be weakened by long-distance travel. Check with your doctor, and keep a record of your latest shots and immunizations in your passport case.

Bring extra passport photos

These will come in handy in visa-on-arrival lines and will save you the headache of having to wait in yet another line to have your photo taken. Keep these in your passport case as well, for easy access.

Bring extra cash for emergencies

Keep a stash of clean, unfolded, new-edition cash in a safe place locked away in your bag. U.S. dollars are pretty versatile and accepted at most places worldwide; alternatively, Euros should also work.

How much tech do you need?

This depends on you. Obviously you’re going to bring a camera — make sure you have plenty of extra memory cards, because you’re going to take so many more pictures than you expect. Be sure to remember the charger! Also, since I would never want to be anywhere without my music, my iPod is essential — I especially love the iPod touch that has wifi capability so I can buy new music when I want to. A book or eReader is also good for long bus rides and solo restaurant outings. If you’re bringing a computer, make sure it’s a lightweight, sturdy netbook that won’t weigh you down, and if you’re going to be in the same country for more than a week, a basic, talk-and-text only phone for which you can buy a SIM card and credit can be incredibly helpful. And don’t forget a multi-country travel adapter!

Remember the sunblock, forget the lipstick

Or, you know, bring the lipstick, if that’s the one thing you need to feel like yourself. For me, I can’t be without mascara, so I made sure to bring some extra tubes of Max Factor Exact Eyelights in Black Ruby (similar). Other than that, my daily “makeup” routine is sunblock on my face and lips, a little bit of pressed powder from a compact, and the mascara. I have happily left my hair dryer behind in favor of going natural.

These are some of the Corporette readers’ favorite items for business travel…

No, You Probably Won’t Get Malaria: Staying Healthy While Abroad

Bring your prescriptions

Obviously if you have medical requirements, bring enough of your prescriptions to last you the length of your journey. If you’re traveling for an unknown length of time, bring at least two month’s worth of your medication; in all likelihood, you will be able to find a pharmacy that carries what you need, or, with a little bit of pre-planning, you can probably find someone to ship it to you. This also applies for contact lenses and solution — it’ll all take up space in your bag, but unless you absolutely know that you’ll be able to find your specific solution in the country you’re visiting, bring enough to cover a couple of months.

Bring backup medication…

I’m not saying you should be a traveling pharmacy, but it is a good idea to have a variety of medications on you for those “just in case”” moments that turn into actual need. I generally travel with basic painkillers for sore muscles and headaches (I like ibuprofen, you may prefer paracetemol or aspirin), antihistamines for seasonal allergies and extra-itchy bug bites, anti-diarrheals including rehydration sachets, one round of antibiotics, and a few muscle relaxers (I have a history of back spasms). Also be sure to include some basic first aid, including antibiotic ointment (like Neosporin), band-aids, a small roll of gauze, and individually-wrapped rubbing-alcohol pads.

… but be judicious in when you use it

Stomach issues, especially diarrhea, are just a reality of travel. If it happens to you, don’t rush to take medication that only treats the symptoms and not the cause. Unless you’re about to board a bus or plane, try to let whatever it is work through your system. Mixing a packet of rehydration powder with a bottle of water will also make you feel much better while you’re waiting for the sickness to pass. Make sure not to over-use things like antibiotics, muscle relaxers, and sleeping pills — those really should be for last resort use only.

Have protection — and use it!

Hey, girl, everyone’s got needs. If yours include bedroom activities, make sure you’ve got high-quality protection with you and easily available in the heat of the moment. Do not leave it up to the other person, no matter how trustworthy and travel soul-matey they seem. You are responsible for your own health here. This is non-negotiable.

Trim your nails

A lot of dirt can get trapped under your fingernails, which will naturally get close to your mouth at mealtime. Increase your chances of staying healthy by keeping the nails short and clean.

Keep the hand gel close

Antibiotic hand gel will come in handy just about everywhere — before meals, after meals, if you get a scrape or a cut on a hike or walking down the street, if you need to clean off a utensil before using it … the uses are endless. Always have a small bottle on you.

Practice living without toilet paper

Consider this: you will not always have western toilets accessible to you, and even if you do, you might not have any toilet paper (and even if you do have paper, you may not be allowed to flush it down the toilet). If you find yourself in a situation without paper, just use a little bit of water — cup your left hand, pour some water in, and splash it up there where it counts. Your pants will dry quicker than you think, and using water is cleaner than, well, not using water. Just make sure to wash your hands with soap afterwards, or use hand sanitizer.

You will get dirty — but you can still keep it fresh

If you’re visiting a country where the bulk of the tourist attractions are also religious sites, be ready to take your shoes off. A lot. Don’t worry about protecting your pedicure — instead, enjoy the callouses that will develop on your feet from walking barefoot around so many temples. But even if your feet are dirty, your clothes can still be fresh and clean: if baby powder is too messy, try getting a small spray-bottle and filling it up with rubbing alcohol (or vodka). Spray it on your shirts and pants to help alleviate the smell of sweaty days. In buggy climates, a mix of alcohol and bug spray also works well. Note: do NOT do this to refresh dirty underwear. Just give those a proper wash — a bar of laundry soap travels way easier than powder or liquid soap and allows you to do a quick wash just about anywhere.

“Greetings From…”: What to Do When You Get There

Consider dressing conservatively

This isn’t about dressing to avoid attention from men — we all know that a certain type of man will leer at a woman no matter what she’s wearing. But dressing conservatively is both respectful and practical. Wearing longer skirts (around knee-length) and torso-covering shirts means you can go into just about any temple, church, or other religious place, and also guarantees a layer of protection between your skin and whatever germy things are crawling around the seats of the local bus you’re taking. (If your skirt is very lightweight, though, it might be see-through — stand in front of a light before you go just to check, and if you can see through the skirt, pack a pair of lightweight biking shorts or full-coverage “boy short” style underwear.) In very hot weather it may not always be necessary to cover your arms and shoulders in public, but if you’re wearing a tank top, make sure you have a lightweight scarf or shawl to cover up if necessary.

Know how to…

Drive a car — both manual and automatic. Drive a motorcycle. Drive a scooter. Ride a pedal bike. Swim. Knowing how to do all of these things will not only increase your ability to do fun stuff, these skills may possibly save your life. Related: get an international driver’s permit. Most countries don’t require it, but some do, and it’s better to have it and not need it.

Don’t always be polite

We women are taught to be polite pretty much all the time. Sometimes we can find ourselves in some bad — even potentially dangerous — situations because we “didn’t want to offend” whoever it was that got us into the dangerous situation in the first place. But as a solo traveler, you are under absolutely no obligation to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Ever. Period. Full stop. You do not have to go to dinner with the taxi driver who drove you from the train station. You do not have to have tea with the shopkeeper trying to sell you carpets. You do not ever have to take drinks, food, or drugs simply because they are offered. Don’t want to do something? Just say no. If you feel like it, and if the person chatting you up seems harmless, say no with a smile. But if they’re making you uncomfortable, give them a firm no. You have the option of walking away, or staying where you are and expecting them to walk away. Yes, they may call you a mean name in a language you don’t understand (or even one that you do), but so what? That person doesn’t matter. What they think of you doesn’t matter. Only you matter. You’re in charge. No one’s going to take better care of you than you, so get on it.

What did he just call me?

A lot of people in a lot of countries won’t hesitate to call you fat, or some variation, if you’re bigger than the average citizen. I’ve heard “big,” “big-big,” “cute fat,” “strong,” “motti” and, just today, “juicy.” Delightful. They’ll tell you it’s not meant as an insult, but, you know, it doesn’t necessarily feel great to hear it. Just try not to let it bug you. My friends and family back home have been horrified by some of the things I’ve heard, but I try to take it with a massive grain of salt. I know what I look like, and I like it. I’ve only come back with a sarcastic response a couple of times, and in those situations it’s been with people who I know have lots of experience with Westerners and knew they were being offensive. The rest of the time, I just let it go.

Fake it until you make it

Even if you don’t know where you are on a map or if you’re headed in the right direction toward your destination, pretend like you do, at least until you can pull into a shop or restaurant to look at a map. Avoid looking at a map while standing on a street corner — you’ll make yourself easy prey.

You Can Still Have Fun, You Know: Entertain Yourself While Traveling Solo

No one around to take a picture of you in front of that amazing temple you’ve been waiting forever to see? Take a picture of yourself, girl! Even if you feel a little silly, it will be worth it later when you get to show everyone proof that yes, you were there.

Read a book!

Did you bring your eReader? Or did you pick up a book from the book exchange at your guesthouse? Good for you! Rediscover the joy of reading. I’ve read a lot since coming to Asia — feel free to check out a partial list and my six-word book reviews here: http://heatrainbugs.com/2014/02/11/wanted-nice-girl-seeks-good-book-or-my-six-word-reviews-of-books-ive-read-in-asia/.

Remember, people are just people.

Try not to exoticize them too much, ok? A lot of Westerners I’ve met in Asia definitely match the “White People Think Brown People Are Amaaaaaaazing” stereotype, and I think it’s unfortunate. If you’re going to take a picture of a person, or try to talk to a random local stranger without having been approached, stop and ask yourself why. Ask yourself if you would take the same picture of that person, or approach them for the same conversation, if you were in your own country. I say this having taken plenty of people pictures myself — it’s just an ongoing conversation I have with myself, in an effort to be mindful of my own motivations. (On a similar note, be warned: in some places, locals will jump in front of your camera right as you’re taking a picture and demand money for it. This makes me feel cynical sometimes.)

Eat new things, even if you think you won’t like them

If you’re doing this whole travel thing right, you will probably find yourself inside someone’s home, preferably in a rural place, being served homemade food and drink. Keep an open mind — in most cases, you’re going to love what you’re served. But even if you don’t, you know it’s rude to refuse, so sometimes you’ll just have to woman-up and swallow down something that you really do not like. Don’t worry — the bad taste will fade eventually, and it’s more than worth it to have an authentic and unique experience.

Obviously, though, use your own good judgment: if you’ve got life-threatening allergies or religious laws that restrict you from eating certain foods, do not put yourself in danger or violate your religious principles for the sake of politeness. If you’re an alcoholic in recovery, do not accept the homemade wine offered to you. But if your own dietary rules are only a matter of preference, consider bending the rules a little bit in exchange for trying something new — it’s why you traveled in the first place, isn’t it?

Make friends with other girls

Female solo travelers are a unique and wonderful breed, and we tend to make friends easily. Be nice to that Polish girl you meet on your cave trek in Vietnam, because you may see her a few months later wandering the streets of Kathmandu. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up even traveling together one day. At least, for a little while … because by then, you’ll have fallen in love with solo travel and will want to keep doing your own thing.

Readers, do you enjoy solo travel? Have any of your own tips to share?

Auntie M used to be a litigator, and she also used to work in mediation, but then she went away to Laos for a month and never really came home. After having spent much of 2013 in Southeast Asia by accident, she is presently mostly based out of Kathmandu, Nepal, where she writes about the music scene there and other stuff. She experiences the occasional bout of homesickness, but her cravings for sushi are far more frequent. You can find out her real name at her blog, www.heatrainbugs.com.

Social media picture credit: Death to the Stock Photos.

The post Guest Post: Tips for Traveling Solo appeared first on Corporette.com.